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Dave_S
| 29-08-2008 05:23 AM |
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Joined: 29 Aug 2008 Posts: 2 | Hi I'm new to this thread and have decided to contribute. About two years ago I decided to go for bankruptcy, I owed about 50k and had been told by many people it was the best option, anyway I eventually decided to go for it and started the proceedings. This is the hard part, I then went through a psychotic breakdown, I thought I was being watched constantly and it got to the point of even contemplating suicide. I still haven't got over it but am hoping for some constructive comments as all I've had from friends and family, is either jealousy or they seem to be judging me like as if they think I need grief. I can't really explain it but it's been doing my head in. Thanks for listening |
| helpmenow | 29-08-2008 09:55 AM |
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Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 37 My Profile | Hi Dave and welcome to the forum. I am in an IVA and went through hell trying to juggle my finances, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. I couldn't sleep, small things really stressed my out, it felt that I was crying all the time and I felt run down all because I owed some money!! Ignoring the problem just made it worse, I tried to put it out of my mind so guess what I went shopping!!!! I remember the day when I thought enough was enough. I was off work with stress and had just got out of bed, mid afternoon, and I thought what am I doing with my life? Still in my PJ's I phoned and arranged an appointment to see my local money advice centre. I took with me all the statements I could find, some of them were still in unopened letters!! To cut a long story short they helped me a lot and suggested that I go for an IVA. I did. I can now sleep and work. Dave, I suppose what I am saying is that I understand some of what you went through, the dark days. When your down its hard to get perspective on things. My family were of the opinion "don't worry about it, it's only money" which is easy to say but i was constantly thinking and worrying about my debts. Luckily for me I found perspective. I didn't ask for the the letters which came through my door offering more credit. I didn't ask for an extension of my overdraft facility. I didn't ask for my credit limit to be extended. I didn't ask for the credit card cheques informing me that I could take out a bigger loan or even give a financial gift to one of my relatives. I asked for none of these but I got it and I spent it. Yes it was me who put the card in the machine and yes I share some of the blame, but... not all of the blame. And when it came to wanting their money back was I shown any consideration as a valued customer should be. No. They wanted their money and they wanted plus a hell of a lot more. Dave, don't let them win. Bankruptcy is a way of wiping the slate clean. Francis Ford Coppola, Meatloaf, Donald Trump, Walt Disney and many other famous people have gone bankrupt. Bankruptcy is a positive step you have taken. It's legal, it's not a penalty. Be proud that you have faced up to your problems and done something positive about it. If the banks had their way they would have tried to get you into a debt management plan for the next 20 years!!! Don't feel guilty about it. The banks knew what they were doing and made a enormous amounts of cash from the likes of you and me. You won't see a poor banker will you? No, but there are many poor souls who have been the victims of financial mismanagement and who is picking up the tab for it? Sorry Dave, I sometimes start off on one and can't stop. Dave, have you spoken to your friends and family about how your debts and bankruptcy made you feel? If you feel that they are judging you or are jealous of you so what? Don't sweat it. Only you know the turmoil you have gone through, unless you have spoken to them of course. So, if they do know the turmoil and are jealous of you or judging you, that's them, there's nothing you can do about it. Or you could be wrong and they are worried and care about you and say the wrong things. Dave, I am going to finish here, but I'll leave you with one thought. If you had found a lump on you would you ignore it or do something about it? If the lump was found to be cancerous what would you do? Debt is a cancer, ( i think you may have guessed where i was going with the cancer chat), ignore it and it festers and debilitates you. Bankruptcy is cutting it out. Yes it leaves a scar, but you survived, you are a survivor. speak to you soon Helpmenow |
| helpmenow | 29-08-2008 10:01 AM |
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Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 37 My Profile | Hi again. Watch this, Clue's angle on debt is perfect. http://forum.debtwatchdog.com/In-Debt-Start-Here-The-lighter-side-of-debt-Thread-51.html |
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Dave_S
| 30-08-2008 10:31 PM |
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Joined: 29 Aug 2008 Posts: 2 | Thank you for your reply*, I understand exactly what you're saying especially the part about family but the problem is when arguing they always throw it in face saying things like "You're a bankrupt" and "at least I've never been in debt" and that really brings me down. Maybe I do need to talk to them as they obviously don't realise what I've been through, as I said it's like jealousy but why be jealous? most of the money I spend went on crap. I'm gonna have to start looking at the funny side like that video, (100% true) I used to get people from credit card companies phoning me up asking if I wanted more money? sort of pushing it on me! and the fliers I used to get telling me how I was such I great borrower and increasing my credit limit :-) I like the bit about looking at it like a cancer, so basically I'm now in recovery (taken a long time though) I thought I was never gonna get through it, my life as I knew it was over and I've had to learn to live again. It's peoples attitudes towards it that are the main problem, I could have carried on paying a £1. a week for the rest of my life but apparently I heard that bankruptcy isn't so bad as it used to be and you get discharged quicker. But try telling that to others I got treated like some sort of outcast. Looking back at the treatment I endured it's no wonder I lost the plot, it was like being totally alone. Not one person understood anyway pointless looking back I've got to look to the future positively yeah? even though I'm blacklisted there are prepay debit cards and ways around everything. Got to go for now thanks for the insight, talk soon. Dave *I couldn't reply last night my computers motherboard blew up |
| DW George | 31-08-2008 08:42 PM |
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Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 189 My Profile | Hi Dave Welcome to the forum. I fully back up what Helpmenow said and add that the last thing you should feel is guilty. The country is in financial melt down due to the banks mismanaging their finances and what happened? The government bailed them out. That's what a bankruptcy is for, helping people back on their feet. Do you think the bankers are feeling guilty for going cap in hand to the government for help? Unfortunately Dave, you are not alone. One person every four minutes is declared bankrupt or insolvent. Bankruptcy can happen to anyone and if society wanted to punish them like they did in olden times with debtor prisons, the we would have to build a lot more more prisons. :) It is down to lack of understanding that people, perhaps your family and friends, look down at those who have gone bankrupt. Bankruptcy happens for various reasons lack of financial planning, some form of addiction to shopping etc, so where are the checks and balances the banks have in place to stop losing money? What would you if you were starting up a money lending business? I bet you would assess whether or not you would get your money back before giving out the loan. If the banks are cutting corners to make bigger profits then hell mend them. So you now are finding it difficult to get credit this is a bad thing right? Wrong, this is an opportunity to start laying down the foundations for your future wealth. Living within your means and shopping about should be at the forefront for your thoughts when considering ANY purchases. Once you settle down into your thrift lifestyle you can start SAVING money. Some of the money should be put aside for any contingencies and the rest split into long term savings and short term, for TV's etc. Paying by cash means that you can negotiate better deals than paying by credit card or by finance. Turn your bankruptcy into a positive thing, you can't get credit but you can use your creative side and not follow the lemmings into buying the next must have thing. Remember the whole of our shopping experience is built around impulse buying so plan shopping trips and only buy what you need. Speak to you later George ps talk to your relatives problem shared is.... |
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fallenstar
| 04-09-2008 05:36 PM |
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Joined: 04 Sep 2008 Posts: 3 | I was also in a great deal of debt, which I ran away from for a year, moving house constantly etc. Eventually that wore me down, so I signed a Protected Trust Deed (Scottish IVA). I ended up working 60-70 hours a week to meet their contributions in a highly stressful job, which I couldn't leave, as other similar companies wages were lower. I ended up imploding (that's one way of putting it...), froze my payments and am now allowing them to petition for my sequestration (bankrupcy in Scotland). There is a lot of stigma surrounding sequestration, and a little education goes a long way. Have you thought of some kind of intervention with your family, explaining everything (definately not missing out the severe emotional trauma it caused you), and how their comments are hurtful. I know it's difficult to speak of emotions to a room full of people, but if it enables them to understand what has happened to you, it may be worth a try. Perhaps use a close friend as a mediator? I mean, is the real problem here is the reaction of your friends and family, rather than the bankrupcy itself? Had they been more supportive, perhaps you wouldn't be having such an emotional turmoil about the bankrupcy proceedings? I still haven't got over it either, when stress has been prolonged for so many years, it's difficult to let go and learn to sit still and relax. I'm headed for counselling, so I can let go of the past and move forward into what I consider a positive move into bankrupcy. In one year I will be discharged, but I feel that the weight off my shoulders will lesson over the next year, leaving me to be free to rebuild my life in a years time. Perhaps the counselling route isn't the worst idea for you? I mean, they're not going to commit you or anything, and all you have to do is go once, if it doesn't suit you, no-one is going to force you back there! Good luck hun x |
